Ahaha, omg, yes. He’s like. “Oh, sure, Wally. Go ahead and eat anything you want.” *SIGH*
Poor Wally’s like, “I’ll kind of die if I don’t? Sorry?”
Tim is just like. “Dick.” God, it hurts him to say this. “Your ass if fine Dick. People everywhere love your ass. Please stop - “
“People everywhere, Timmy?” And he’s smiling at Tim in a way that means trouble and oh, God, why didn’t he run when he had the chance?
Yes! Clark would come for a visit and Colin’s sitting at the kitchen table with milk and cookies and pie and Martha being all, “Isn’t he sweet, Clark honey? Alfred sent him over.”
Haha, yes. Jason. Jason and Dick are like the most unwanted fairy godparents ever. (“Do not use those words in connection with me ever again or I’ll shoot your fat ass, Dick!”)
Poor Tim. Tim just. doesn’t really get it. Then again, he’s probably mostly aware of his looks only in terms of how other people might react to it, and how to adjust it accordingly to get the reactions he wants. (He learned this under the tutelage of Alfred’s disguise lessons. He also now knows way more about the psychology of breast size than he ever really wanted to.)
Clark just wonders what such a sweet boy like Colin is doing hanging with the Bats. I mean, he loves the Batfam, he really does, but well. …And then one day, he sees Colin smashing a pair of bullies into walls and threatening them.
And then we’re back full circle again. “:( My ass is not fat, is it?” “That’s what you choose to take away from that entire sentence?”
Aww, yeah. He knows he’s not hideous - no one throws up the sign of the cross when they see him and small children don’t flee in tears, but yeah.
I’m kind of picturing the makeover montage in pretty much every teen movie ever.
At some point Steph is like, “Tim, take off your glasses and toss your hair,” and then she demonstrates the move for him when he just stares blankly at her.
“You know I need them to read, right? Like these files for that case you asked for help on? And also, why is Cass going through my pantry?”
Oh, Clark You should really know better by now that Gotham is home to the crazies and bizarre and nothing is ever what it seems. (He’s like. “Ah. I see.” and then asks Colin if he wants more cookies.)
Damian catches them bickering over the state of Dick’s ass and breaks out the knives all, “You are not welcome at the moment, leave before I perforate you. And yes, Grayson, your ass has increased in size. Perhaps if you spent more time in the gym rather than harassing Colin and myself it would not distress you so much.”
Seriously, Stephanie finds it almost unfair how naturally pretty Tim is, even with how he’s ruining his skin with the lack of sleep. The least he could do is let her make him up and everything. He doesn’t really need a makeover, especially since he knows he’s dressing exactly how he has to for the role he plays in public, but really, Steph just wants to make him all sparkly and fantastic, okay.
Pretty much. (Also, damn, now I want cookies. It is an hour from midnight and I do not have cookies. [………goes to rummage for something]
a;slkdjf;klj Tim has to pull Damian aside after that, all, “Look, I’ll try to keep Dick from bothering you, just please don’t say things like that any more. He gets insufferable. For everyone.” He makes sure he’s listening not because Tim told him to, but because Dick really does get all clingy and annoying afterward. And it gets added into the family rulebook.
Oh, no doubt. It’s completely unfair that Tim looks that good without realizing it, and if the onyl way to give him the confidence boost is a placebo makeover, so be it.
“Look, if we’re doing this, we’re doing it right, Tim.”
“What? I didn’t agree - ”
“Cass! Break out out the montage music, we’ve got some work to do now.”
(And the first song to play is the Scooby Doo theme because “It’s awesome, stop making that face Tim, I might ‘accidentally’ stab you in the eye with the eyeliner pencil.”)
Me too. The closest thing we have are those little wafer cracker things with the cream filling. :(
Damian doesn’t get it at first, so the next time Jason says something about Dick’s ass he’s like, “Damian, I need you to sit with Dick.”
“It’s important, Damian. I have…things to do. Elsewhere.” And then he flees with Damian staring after him and from Dick’s room comes a pained wail, “My ass is faaaaat! How did this happen?” and he knows he’s doomed.
a;skdjflaksjdf yes. It’s like, “I have seen you show confidence when you’re undercover! Now you just need to bring it out when it’s you. Do it like you’re on the catwalk! No, wait, do it like Dick Grayson!” And montage music! Because Steph so would have a playlist ready.
Yeaaaaaaah I just. want something chewy or bread-like. Ugh, late night cravings are the worst.
hahahaha yes. Damian didn’t learn the easy way? Well, he’d have to learn the hard way then. and oh, does he learn.
DYING. Omg, Steph, ilu. She totally has a playlist ready because she knows the importance of montases even if no one in the Bat Family seems to. Well, maybe Dick.
Tim could be al “I told you so,” but he just takes Damian aside and goes over what <i>not</i> to say to Dick.
“Why would you do that?”
“Oh, I’m not doing this for you, Damian.” Well, mostly not. “When Dick gets like that he’s an annoyance to everyone.”